To be Future Leaders of the Intellectual World!

Discussion on Youth

Ikeda:

Today's theme is friendship, which is a big issue in our lives. Someone once said, "A man with friends is rich; so I am rich." Of course, this applies to women, too.

If a person has just one good friend, their happiness is twofold. This is genuine wealth. The German poet Johann Schiller (1759-1805) put it this way: "Friendship doubles one's happiness and reduces one's sadness by half." And as true as those words still are today, the question is, how does one acquire such friendship?

Kimura:

Yes, I think worries about friends are a big concern in one's youth. I have heard some people say, "School is fun because I have friends there." And others say, "I have friends, but I don't have any close enough to have a heart-to-heart talk with." There are others still, I think, who are so competitive that they panic when they see their friends studying and then pressure themselves to exceed them.

Igeta:

I have also heard people express such worries as "My friend and I used to be close, but then out of the blue she began giving me the cold shoulder," or "My so-called friend let me down," or "My friend's been ignoring me and I don't know why."

Ikeda:

A young person's heart is as sensitive as a thermometer. One minute you feel everything is great and the next you suddebly feel so down on yourself that you're convinced you must be the most inadequate and worthless person in the world. But that is one of the many characteristic of youth, so don't wory. The important thing is to keep on living life, never be defeated, however painful things may sometimes become.

You may encounter situations or events that bring great sadness and feelings of despair-things like problemes with friends, headache over love, being involved in a car accident, or having one of your parents fall ill. But when you look back on such hardships later, they will all seem like a dream. No matter what hardships you face, if you keep moving forward without giving up, they will all eventually vanish like a mirage. This is an important premise on which to base your life. So you must live optimisically.

Friendship is the most beautiful, most powerful and most valuable treasure in life. It is your true wealth. No matter how much status a person may gain or how rich one may become, a life without friends is indeed sad and loney; it also leads to an unbalanced, self-centered existance.

There is nothing more wonderful or precious than the friendships of one's youth. Whereas, in adulthood, self-interest or personal gain often comes into play in human relationship, or fleeting friendships are formed as the result of some temporary circumstance, the friendships made in one's school days are generally free of artifice.

You were born in this vast universe on the tiny planet Earth, and in the same era as the people around you. Yet, it is extremely rare to find, among the some 5.8 billion people on this planet, genuine, unconditional friends with whom you can totally be yourself and who will intuitively understand your thoughts and feelings without need for words. From this perspective, because you and your schoolmates are learning together, a strong bond exitst between you. Among them, I'm sure there are one or two whom you regard as true friends - please treasure them.

But if some of you feel that you don't have any close friends right now, please don't wory. Just tell yourself that you don't have any now so that you can have wonderful friends in the future. Concentrate your energies now on becoming a fine person.

In any event, it's importance to understand that friendship depends on you, not on the other person. It all comes down to your own attitude and contribution. I hope you will not be a fair-weather friend, only helping others when circumstances are good and leaving them high and dry when some problems occusrs; instead please become the kind of person who sticks by their friends with unchanging loyalty through thick and thin.

Igeta:

Sometimes its's hard to stand by your friends no matter what. What kind of adivce would you give someone who feels they have been treated coldly out of the blue by a friend, but have no idea why?

Ikeda:

I think the best thing to do is to have the courage to ask that person directly what's bothering them. In many cases you will find that the last thing they wanted to do was treat you coldly, and that in reality, while you neglected to find out whats wrong with them for fear of being hurt, they, too, were feeling rejected and lonely.

Our human relationship are like a mirror. So if you're thinking to yourself, "If only so-and-so were a little nicer to me, I could talk to them about anything," then that person is probably thinking, "If only such-and-such would open up to me, I would be nicer to them." Therefore, you should make the first move to open the channels of communication. If despite these efforts you are still rebuffed, then the person you should feel sorry for is not yourself, but your friend.

The human heart is truly complex; we casnnot read what's in another person's heart. People changes. What do you do? My advice is that you hold fsat to your own identity with the spirit - "Others may change, but I will stay who I am." If you should be snubbed or let down by others, have the strength of character to vow that you will never do the same to anyone. Those who betray other's trust are truly patheric; they are only hurting themselves, driving a spike through their own hearts. And, sadly, they don't even realize it.

Takemura:

So people who have the courage to strike up a conversation with others are able to make friends. But sometimes when we do approach someone in a spirit of friendship, we may be slighted or ignored.

Ikeda:

Even if that happens, I don't think it's necessary to be overly worried about it.

It's crucial that you be courageous and live proudly, believing in yourself. Be like the sun. For the sun shines on serenly even though not all of the stars will reflect back its light, and even though some of its brillance seems to emanate only into empty space. You may find that those who reject the radiant light of your friendship will naturally fade out of your life. But the more you shine your light, the more brilliant your life will become.

No matter how other people are or what they do, it is important that you walk your own path, believing in yourself. If you remain constand and stay true to yourself, others will definitely come to understand your sincere intent one day.

Takemura:

There are some students who have been told by teachers at school to avoid assoicating with people aren't as smart as they because it would be detrimental to them. Consequently, they no longer even try to make friends.

Ikeda:

It is difficult to define what it means to be "smart". We can't determine whether a person is intelligent or not solely by their grades in high school. When viewed from a larger perspective, the labels put on people in high school, such as "smart" or "not very bright," are not of great importance. Rather, staying power and energy to take action toward completeing soemthing you have set out to accomplish are the kind of strengths that tend to be a great asset in real life. Therefore, I hope you can be open-minded enough to learn something from all your friends, irrespective of their academic ability. If you judge people based on their grades alone, you will be limiting the richness and diversity in your own life. Of course, the teachers who gave that advice probably thought they were being helpful.

Associating with self-destructive people, however, can certainly have harmful consequences, dragging you down with them. You must have the courage not to succumb to the lures of such negative influences. Sometimes your friends can have a stronger influence over you than your parents or anyone else. So if you make good friends - friends who are interested in improving and developing themselves - you will move in a positive direction as well.

Andrew Carnegie (1835-1919), the American industrialist and philanthropist, modestly attributed his success to having gathered around him people who were far more talented and capable than he. Ultimately, the only way to make good friends is for you to become a good friend yourself. Good people gather around other good people.

Nothing is more beautiful than friendship developed among people challenging themselves and encouraging each other as they work toward the realization of a common goal, Such relationships are even more beautiful than those between parent and child, husband and wife, and lovers. This kind of profound friendship is the highest mark, and the very flame, of humanity.

By Daisaku Ikeda

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